you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
