maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
