dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
