This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
