***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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