I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
