i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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