there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
