you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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