can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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