I think I died a long time ago.
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
