are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
