ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
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He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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