so explain again why im purple
no
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
