What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
