I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
