I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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