hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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