im drinking this country out of the recession.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
