I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
