I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
