U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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