i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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