i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
