Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
