The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
