I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
