I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
