Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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