Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We need to rekindle our bromance
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
