got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
