The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
