so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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