Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
