Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
is it fun? or sober?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize