fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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