He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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