Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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