Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
