haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
