I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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