....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
