Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
