I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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