Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
did i walk over a car last night?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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