She's JV to your varsity
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Betty ford says i'm here all night
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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