Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
