I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She made me pour olive oil on her.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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