Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
