on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
