Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
