I think I am morally bankrupt
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
