she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
soo... how was my night?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
