if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i've created a new STD.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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