I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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