We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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