you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
