I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
