yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
