I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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