i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Randomize
