For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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