I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
