I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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