I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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