my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
