Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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