Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
