Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
