I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
