i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
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