Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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