If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
