You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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