I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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