What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
