East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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