i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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