I swear she didn't look like that last week.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
