she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
