u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
