I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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