We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
