at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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