can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
