she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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