LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
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Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize