I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
