Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
