I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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