A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
